the day after is always just damage control
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
