she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
