Swine flu is the new snow day.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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