dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
