My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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