Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
