I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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