I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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