i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
