i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
