I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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