Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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