I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
