is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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