My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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