haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
