So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
