I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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