**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
