I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
