so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."