whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
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i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.