Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.