She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.