we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.