That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works