My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
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I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.