Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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