I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
