I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Say something about gay babies.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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