my phone needs a breathalizer
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
