My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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