it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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