is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
