That's intense
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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