I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
