the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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