He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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