I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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