I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have aggressive nipples.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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