He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
