Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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