it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
