so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
