you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize