She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
