Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
