I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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