Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize