I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize