Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
