I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
