I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
