I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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