saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
