i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Randomize
