please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
