Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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