i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
