just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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