I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
