I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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