I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize