last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
